How to Deal With a Not So Normal Life
by PurpleDiva888
Summary: AU. I swear I'll limit intake of caffeine. I swear I'll start jogging and stay fit for prom. I swear not to embarrass myself or to get involved with any cat fights, I swear I'd stop procrastinating and slacking off, and I swear I won't freaking fall in love and have stupid teenage drama. Because love is just so not worth ruining my year. And they're for losers. Yeah. Totally.


**THE AWESOMEST PINK DIARY IN HISTORY EVERR! vol. 1**

_owned by:_ THE GREATEST PEOPLE ALIVE (Also known as Lucy Heartfilia the awesome and Erza Scarlet the great)

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PLEASE RETURN TO OWNER IF FOUND STUCK IN THE TOILET OR IN THE TRASH CAN. THANK YOU. THAT WAS PROBABLY US AND OUR CRAPPY DAYS.

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Need we say more?

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**TEN THINGS I, LUCY HEARTFILIA SOLEMNLY SWEAR TO ACHIEVE IN MY FRESHMAN YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL:**

(It's an oath! Mark my words!)

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_0_**1**. Start jogging. (I have _PROM _dammit. I _need _to stay fit.) **Mind if we do this one together Lucy? I ate like, 3 cheesecakes yesterday. **Good Lord, _Erza, _you NEED to STOP.

_0_**2**. Limit intake of caffeine to two- I mean one cup per day MAXIMUM. (This will be the hardest thing _ever._ And _sheesh_, mom, stop looking over my shoulder! I want my privacy!) **Is that even possible for you?**

_0_**3**. NOT fail in classes. I don't need another C. (What if I can't get a JOB because I can't get in any COLLEGE because I didn't study for my FRENCH test?! Mom would kill me! _Nooooo!) _**I still remember that moment when my darling Lucy almost crie **SHUT. UP. LEVY.

_0_**4**. Stay BFFAFAF with my sweet, sweet, baby cakes Erza Scarlet 3 **Awww, love you too girl3**

_0_**5**. NOT do illegal activities or stuffs like SMOKING, DRINKING, GOING TO CLUBS, ETC. (Again, mom would kill me. I want to live people, LIVE.) **Count me in on this one. As future student council president, I'll make sure everything will go according to my wonderful, wonderful plan. **Oh. Haha. That was kind of scary.

_0_**6**. NOT slack off and stop procrastinating in homework. (Exception: Frenc oh hey mom, yeah, I'm just kidding of course. Haha!) **Oh come on, French isn't _that _hard.** For YOU Erza, for YOU. YOU natural french-speakers do NOT know how hard it is. Yeah.

_0_**7**. NOT get my new precious, precious, precious baby INJURED or HARMED by the slightest. (Hell yeah for MacBook pro!) **FINALLY LUCY.**

_0_**8**. Embarrass myself. (Don't remind me of _last year_. Yes, it was all just in the _past_, focus on the _future_, of course.) **HAHAHA! DID YOU MEAN THE TIME WHEN YOU FOUND OUT YOUR BOYFRIEND WAS GA **Levy. I will kill you if you continue writing that sentence. **Fine.**

_0_**9**. GET THROUGH THIS YEAR. **I hope so. Sigh.**

_1_**0**. NOT freaking fall in stupid love and have teenage drama. (Because love is _so _not worth ruining my year. And they're for _losers. _Yeah. _Totes._) **Now this, I like.****  
**

Signed,

Lucy Heartfilia

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**How to Deal With A Not So Normal Life**

01: and she totally screwed up

by _PurpleDiva888_

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Be prepared for some deep drama. It's _only _starting —and it is one _hell _of a ride.

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First Day of School.

Monday, August 26.

_whyyyyy?_

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"-I do not want to see anyone loitering in the corridors during lessons, and skipping classes, a suitable punishment will be given to you and to seniors, just because this is your _last year _of school doesn't mean that you _can _slack off. Continue working hard, your future is in your hands — you only have on year to think about your career path and college so choose wisely everyone-"

I'm still a freshman. Plenty of time to decide college, I have 4 years for that, yep. No need to worry-

"Now, for freshmen, I, Makarov Dreyar, the principal of Magnolia Preparatory Academy believe that our students have full potential that just needs to be improved so please don't slack off just because you have 4 years, it is still considered very short as it is a life decision you are going to make. Anyway, some rules here are that you m-"

I stared at the tiny old man who claimed to be the 'principal'. So he can read minds?

"I guess it's study session in the library," Erza Scarlet, my best friend since _forever _muttered quietly next to me. Good thing our assembly is assigned by alphabetical order. "And I was hoping to finish Gossip Girl too tonight, _ugh_."

"We have 4 years Erza," I whispered back, "Why the hell are you stressing now? Who knows when you said you wanted to be a doctor — you'll change your mind next year and become a singer!"

Erza rolled her eyes slightly, careful enough so no teacher caught her, "Ew, no, I hate singing. I'd rather die in a ditch with my lovely, lovely swords."

Yeah. She has a fetish of swords. How awesome and creepy is that?

"Puh-lease Erza," I smirked slightly, "I've seen you sing in the shower — and you were loud girl."

"Oh." Her response. "Well seems like I'll have to duct tape you and perhaps lock you in a dark, _dark _room Lucy. You _won't _mind would you?"

Damn. This girl was scary.

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**THE AWESOMEST PINK DIARY IN HISTORY EVERR! vol. 1**

_owned by:_ THE GREATEST PEOPLE ALIVE (Also known as Lucy Heartfilia the awesome and Erza Scarlet the great)

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So Erza— the deal is that we switch then the next and the next right? Okay.

So right now, I should be taking notes from the board about the equation but before that, _please_ tell me why you didn't tell me not to join AP Algebra and choose Honors like you instead. How am I supposed to SURVIVE? The teacher is crazy, yes — definitely crazy. The teacher Ma'am Porlyusica (what kind of name is _that_?) teaches _really _fast and now I have 1 billion equations to memorize AND understand. Mostly everyone here are the stupid freshman (including me) and sophomores who decided that it would be best to take Advanced Placement Algebra so there college would be further guaranteed.

One word. WHY? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU BROWNIE?

I should have taken Honors, arghh. I'm definitely turning into a walking zombie in this class and wake up tomorrow morning feeling dead and only getting 3 hours of sleep and finally I will have bags and stuffs and— oh my god, is that a new assignment of a 20 page worksheet due TOMORROW I see?

Ugh.

Just kill me already.

By the way, you want to know who the unlucky people I seem to know are?

There's some guy named Jellal Fernandez (swoon, swoon, too bad he's a senior), Droy (I think), Jet (what's with the hat?), some girl, some boy, random girl, random boy, oh! That's Wendy (_literally _screaming angel, angel, angel), Sherry (Ew, too much makeup and what's with the pigtails?), some blue-haired girl (err, kinda creepy), and Mirajane. (VERY PRETTY. Damn. I wish I had her skin.)

Oh, and I'm going to stop writing for a while kay? Cause Ma'am Porlyusica might find out and you know, I don't plan on getting detention on the first da

Shoot. Almost got caught cause the teacher's hawk-like stare scared the crap out of me and well, I closed the book immediately in reflex an

Erza.

God.

Yes, God, as in G-O-D.

God just came in.

And FYI, no, I'm not in heaven and dying.

God as in the wonderful, charming, handsome, pretty, hot guy with smoldering eyes and soft hair that we discussed and so can_not _be true?

Well, he's here, dude.

And I'm not dreaming.

Yeah, awesome right?

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I was gaping.

Yes, I was.

Because a God was in front of me.

Do you know what _that _even means?

It means that I'm failing number 10. Oh god. (Pun unintended).

"May I know why you are so late young man?" Ma'am Porlyusica questioned with a raised eyebrow. Her arms were crossed in an old-fashioned manner as she stood there.

Said wonderful, charming, handsome, pretty, hot God with smoldering eyes and soft hair handed over a note, and shrugged, "Principal had some business with me."

Ma'am Porlyusica's piercing look kind of creeped me out, no offense, but God didn't even flinch. So he's a bad boy now? "Okay, go ahead and introduce yourself."

"I'm Gray Fullbuster," He started slowly, I could practically feel the heated stares the blue girl and Sherry was giving him, too bad for him. "I like winter and cold things like ice cream, I hate hot things and summer, I have a brother who's a junior and a sister who's a sophomore. My hobby is playing the guitar and sports I guess, well that's it."

"Good," Ma'am Porlyusica said, "Now, the seating position will last for the whole semester. Don't you even think of trying to change your seat, you might never realize that I'm watching you."

Yes, I'm sure you're watching us Ma'am, I'm very sure indeed.

"So, you can go and sit there Fullbuster."

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Hey Erza, guess what?

Said God is sitting next to me for the whole semester.

Yeah, FML.

With much love,

1st period. AP World History - Lucy

_August 26._

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**To: **Lucy Heartfilia

**From: **Erza Scarlet

**Subject: **Oops?

So I kinda knew that AP Algebra sucks big time though I did not know the, you know, the other reason, but, sadly, you ate my cheesecake last time. Not my fault.

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**THE AWESOMEST PINK DIARY IN HISTORY EVERR! vol. 1**

_owned by:_ THE GREATEST PEOPLE ALIVE (Also known as Lucy Heartfilia the awesome and Erza Scarlet the great)

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**Dictionary OF THE EPICALLY AWESOMEST SCARLET HEARTFILIA LANGUAGE:**

(Because we hate to swear and are perfect angels :D **actually it's because Lucy's mom might find out an **ERZA. SHUT YOUR FUDGING MOUTH UP PLEASE. _)__  
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Brownie: **Ditch, minus the D, plus a B.**

Fudge: The AWESOMEST CHOCOLATE EVAHHH! No. It's Follow Up Circle-K. Get it? :D

Shoot: **Actually just another word for shit. **ERZA. **What? What's wrong with 'So Happy It's Thursday'? **...

**( **Noun: shiz **)**

FYI: **For your INFORMATION.**

FML: Fudge my life. Exactly how I'm feeling right now. **  
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**To: **Erza Scarlet

**From: **Lucy Heartfilia

**Subject: **God dammit.

Seriously Erza? It was just a fudging cheesecake. And here, you literally ruined my year, YES, MY YEAR? CAN YOU HEAR — I MEAN READ THAT GIRL? MY ENTIRE, FREAKING YEAR THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ROCKIN!

You know, if you weren't my best friend, I'd be trapping you in a ditch filled with mud and dead frogs and lizards right now and torturing you in every, single, possible human way.

Feeling lucky?

Yeah, you should be.

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Hey. It's nice to be back. Yeah, this is the new How to Deal With a Not So Normal Life, I hope it's a better version. :)

If you prefer the old one, just PM me about it. I'll see what I'd do about it. Thanks in advance. :D Sorry for the typos as well, I'll edit it when I have the time. I'm studying for a Science test tomorrow, 13 chapters. UGH. D:

**The only chapter that turned up was chapter 12 and 13. I studied 320 PAGES that mostly did NOT turn up. ****Yeah. Haven't corrected typos, but made some changes in the chapter. TOMORROW IS P.E. AND THERE'S A P.E TEST. HELP ME.**

_Published ~Monday, September 2, 2013._

**Didn't have time to publish yesterday so yeah.**

**Published ~ Tuesday, September 3, 2013 **


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